Le Manipulateur

LE MANIPULATEUR…

1 cherche à combler ses besoins
2 à amener les autres à faire quelque chose qu'ils ne veulent pas faire
3 il a l'impression de ne rien valoir
4 il a une mauvaise façon de se valoriser (écraser ou encore dévaloriser les autres pour se valoriser)
5 le manipulateur ne dit jamais ses besoins ou ses attentes clairement
6 il se déresponsabilise (met la responsabilité sur les autres, aime utiliser les autres pour faire ce qu'il a à faire)
7 il est égocentrique (le monde tourne autour de lui, il n'est pas capable de se mettre dans les souliers des autres)
8 il a l'impression que son problème n'est pas lui mais les autres
9 il a le tour de s'en sortir, on n’a pas le dernier mot avec lui
10 il n'est pas habitué à se faire dire non
11 il met la « bisbille » ou la « chicane » par en arrière
12 il s'arrange pour qu'on se sente mal. Il connaît les cordes sensibles

Il est important de se connaître, de s'affirmer, de dire non, d’être ferme, de se tenir debout. On peut s'en sortir en apprenant à se connaître. Plus on s'affirme, plus les manipulateurs s'en vont.
Le manipulateur veut nous faire réagir…

1 ne réagissez pas
2 évitez l'agressivité
3 il ne montre pas qu'il est touché si tu lui dis quelque chose
4 on ne peut l'obstiner, il a toujours raison
5 restez dans le flou, ne vous justifiez pas
6 répondez du tac au tac (exercez-vous avec des petites phrases)
7 soyez convaincu et tenez ferme.

Le manipulateur
Il culpabilise les autres au nom de la conscience professionnelle.
Il reporte sa responsabilité sur les autres ou se démet de ses propres responsabilités.
Il ne communique pas clairement ses demandes, ses besoins. ses sentiments, ses opinions.
Il répond très souvent de façon floue.
Il change ses opinions, ses comportements, ses sentiments selon les personnes et les situations.
Il invoque les raisons logiques pour déguiser ses demandes.
Il fait croire aux autres qu'ils doivent être parfaits, qu'ils ne doivent jamais critiquer.
Il met en doute les qualités, la compétence, la personnalité des autres : il critique sans en avoir l'air.
Il fait faire ses messages par autrui ou par des intermédiaires (téléphone au lieu de face à face, laisse des notes écrites).
Il sème la zizanie, crée de la suspicion, divise pour mieux régner et peut provoquer la rupture d'un couple.
Il sait se placer en victime pour qu'on le plaigne (maladie exagérée, entourage difficile, surcharge de travail).
Il ignore les demandes (même s'il dit s'en occuper).
Il utilise les principes moraux des autres pour assouvir ses besoins(notions d'humanité, de charité, racisme, bonne ou mauvaise mère).
Il menace de façon déguisée ou fait un chantage ouvert.
Il change carrément de sujet au cours d'une conversation.
Il évite ou échappe à l'entretien, à la réunion.
Il mise sur l'ignorance des gens et fait croire à sa supériorité.
Il ment.
Il prêche le faux pour savoir le vrai, déforme et interprète.
Il est égocentrique.
Il ne supporte pas la critique et nie les évidences.
Il ne tient pas compte des droits, des besoins ou des désirs des autres.
Il utilise très le dernier moment pour demander, ordonner ou faire agir autrui.
Son discours parait logique ou cohérent alors que ses attitudes, ses actes ou son mode de vie répondent à un schéma opposé.
Il utilise les flatteries pour nous plaire, fait des cadeaux ou se met soudain aux petits soins pour nous.
Il produit un état de malaise ou un sentiment de non liberté.
Il est parfaitement efficace pour atteindre ses propres buts mais aux dépend d'autrui
Il nous fait faire des choses que nous n'aurions probablement pas faites de notre propre gré.
Il est constamment l'objet de discussions entre gens qui le connaissent même s'il n'est pas là.

Facebook

I joined Facebook a few days ago so as to chat with collegues from work, and meet up with people whom I have not seen for some time. It was with pleasant surprise to see a Group called South African Defence Force - SADF - (National Service & Permanent Force)

where I found many photos which bring memories about the Musts

And the Don'ts

These recommendations are also applicable to the security trade today

Dangers of Being Assertive

Being Assertive
Is an attitude of mind with an accompanying set of beliefs about yourself and the world around you.
It is not just using a certain set of communication skills or behaviors.

When you have the belief that you are equal to every other person, not better or worse, you can communicate from a position of equality.

Five tips to remain assertive so you can act in a way that is effective and respectful to yourself and to others.

Breathe By being calmer, what you say next will then sound more assertive.
Think before you react Give the other areas of your brain a chance to catch up with what is actually happening, rather than what you think may be happening.
Talk to yourself Tell yourself you are capable and strong.
Mind your language The language of aggression is insulting, bossy and argumentative, sometimes in subtle ways. Patronizing terms can be insulting.
Stay aware of your whole body When you know you need to look assertive, consciously limit your hand movements to soft, flowing gestures that support your words. Look people in the eye, especially when they are talking to you.
Link for more info

Communicating

You are a taxi driver. A young woman enters the taxi, hands you 50 dollars. Her red dress has a green smiley, she says she needs to go to Yellow jacket in Colorado then go to Moon which is near Pittsburg's international airport.............

How are you going to remember all of that? Using proper communication skills, you can ask your customer questions to make sure you know the details of the story.

Communication is not about words. It’s about meaning and understanding. It’s about talking and listening. How we communicate depends on who is involved in the conversation, what it is about and how confident we feel. To be able to communicate well we need to know more than just how to talk with a friend. We need to know how to talk to colleagues, strangers, employers and many more people.

When in a conversation�

In a casual conversation, don’t ask too many questions. Questions can be good, but someone might feel like they are being interrogated, like in a police movie. Adults can make the mistake of doing this with kids.

And don’t focus too much on yourself. A conversation involves both an A and a B, otherwise you might �C� your way out of talking with someone you like.

Don’t always try to be a �know it all.� Instead, be a good listener, and be a good friend. Sometimes people just want you to listen.

Also... Learn how to express yourself in a conversation. Your emotions are there for you to use as a guide. Don’t bottle up your feelings, but be polite, and respectful.

When someone is giving you instructions, that is the time to ask questions.

Working on Sunday

Working on Sunday?
Years ago most businesses were closed on Sundays. That included restaurants and gas stations and department stores.

Why do I work on Sunday?
What kind of example do I set for my family?
Am I working “two jobs” out of necessity or want?
Do I work because I get a higher wage on Sunday?
Do I have a “plan” so I can eventually have Sunday off?
Do I work for “extra money” or is to support my needs?
Have I tried to rearrange my schedule to have Sunday off?
Do I work longer hours by choice or because it means more money?

Trust

Trust:
Just as you would not want to do business with someone you can't trust, this law simply stated is: When you can completely trust the process of the universe and life, you will be supplied abundantly and you will be able to make your life work just the way you want it. And the trust you give and have must be 100% or it is zero. It cannot be given under one condition and not under another. There are many things we trust with our lives and have no concern about. Such as: the sun will come up every day; the law of gravity works all the time; the pilot who pilots the plane we fly on, is competent; our garbage is picked up on certain days. If we could not trust the things we take for granted will occur without any effort on our part, the fear for our well being would be so great we would not be able to enjoy our lives. Can you imagine what the world would be like, if we could not trust the food we buy, the water we drink or that the people we depend on would not manipulate or harm us? But the only way we can expect others to trust us is, we need to be trustworthy ourselves, and especially to ourselves. Unfortunately, many people don't trust themselves and the judgments and decisions they make. Therefore, they experience disharmony with their lives and their world.
--Sidney Madwed
Quotes on trust

Mythomania

very strong tendency to lie: a very strong tendency to tell lies or exaggerate, which may be a symptom of a disorder

La mythomanie est une tendance au mensonge pouvant aller jusqu'à altérer durablement la vie sociale. Il a été observé que le mythomane ment souvent parce qu'il craint la réaction (de dévalorisation, par exemple) qu'entraînerait l'aveu de la réalité.

Cette pathologie entraîne un handicap social important dans les cas où le malade procède à des altérations mineures et crédibles de la réalité. L'aveu étant souvent ou presque toujours accompagné de réactions négatives de l'entourage, la mythomanie tend à s'auto-entretenir.

Contrairement au menteur, le mythomane n'est pas totalement conscient de son mensonge Il ne distingue pas clairement la réalité des événements issus de son imagination. Le phénomène est cependant normal dans la phase préadolescente : le jeune enfant se raconte comme étant vraies des histoires imaginaires. Ces mensonges ne sont pas intentionnels : l'enfant croit dans une certaine mesure à ce qu'il raconte. C'est là une étape normale et généralisée de l'enfance. Quand cette tendance persiste après la fin de l'adolescence, elle est considérée par notre société comme un trouble du comportement, tandis que d'autres sociétés l'acceptent. Elle est alors qualifiée de mythomanie et peut, non traitée, annoncer un désordre psychiatrique plus grave.

Happy

"We find greatest joy, not in getting, but in expressing what we are... Men do not really live for honors or for pay; their gladness is not the taking and holding, but in doing, the striving, the building, the living. It is a higher joy to teach than to be taught. It is good to get justice, but better to do it; fun to have things but more to make them. The happy man is he who lives the life of love, not for the honors it may bring, but for the life itself." -- R. J. Baughan


"You won't be happy with more until you're happy with what you've got."

"They say a person needs just three things to be truly happy in this world: someone to love, something to do, and something to hope for." -- Thomas Edward Bodett

Do Your Job Well

Do Your Job Well

That way, you are less likely be to laid off, will get stronger recommendations, and have greater opportunities for future jobs. Know the standards by which your work is judged, and meet or exceed them.

Avoid thoughts like, "Losing my job is just terrible," or "If I don't do well at work, I'm a failure."

Think "I am worthy as a person, regardless of my achievements at work," "Finding another job is a challenge"

Escape reality

People want to escape reality, because reality is too painful or nightmarish to emotionally/physically/mentally deal with in a functional way.

Reasons as to why each person wants this escape, whether it is escape from an unhealthy relationship, from a responsibility, from memories, or from unresolved conflict and grief from one's family of origin.

Sometimes a temporary escape from reality is healthy, although there is a risk of addiction or destruction to the method of escape from reality. Addiction and death provoke a cycle of painful reality to those around the person wanting to escape reality.

Knowing that escape is only temporary is imparative to everyone's health.

For many people, the world of video games is a perfect break from a reality filled with deadlines, stress and responsibilities. People play them because they are fun, interesting and a way to relax. Often, they are used to pursue certain passions. Sports fans love to play football and baseball video games. Many chess lovers who cannot find enough human opponents to compete with will play computer chess or even seek competition from online chess players.

Computer and video games are often used to help people focus on something other than life’s daunting problems. For a few fleeting moments, the players “lose themselves” in the games as they feel the bliss and release of being in control. They are in a virtual world that makes sense to them—a place where they can be whoever or whatever they choose, without worrying about how they look or act, and without having to deal with real-life problems.

For some, this escape is just a passing fascination—but for others, video games are much more.

Do I Want Or Need To Do

A need is something you have to have or do
something you can't do without. Food. If you don't eat, you won't survive for long. Many people have gone days without eating, but they eventually ate a lot of food. You might not need a whole lot of food, but you do need to eat and to eat you need to work.
A want is something you would like to have or do.
It is not absolutely necessary, but it would be a good thing to have. Doing something great. Now, some people might argue that Doing something great is a need because they think they can't do without being someone important, recognised. But you don't need to Do something great to survive. You do need to eat.

Poetry: An 11-year-old's octogenarian wisdom

By MICHAEL HOOVER
For The Evening Sun


GREAT GREED

Why does everybody have a want for

things they do not need?

Why are people so obsessed for money

and great greed?

For is it something so unsaid, it tears us

all apart?

Or is it something going wrong with

people in their heart?

Why can't we all just want the things we need?

And, not obsess in certain things that

give most people greed?